Okay - here they are - as promised - in no particular order…
Hold on tight…
50 - taping up a hostage
49 - taping someone to the wall could make for a great amount of fun
48 - taping someone's mouth shut
47 - taping your own mouth shut - if you like that sort of thing
46 - making articles of clothing - such as tube tops, or miniskirts
45 - if you lack hair - make a wig out of gun tape - it comes in a variety of vibrant colors - including - grey.
44 - making necklaces, bracelets - and other forms of accessories. A nice set of pasties is relatively easy to make - it's also inexpensive - and it looks wonderful if you ad a few sequins and a feather or two - a tassel would look marvellous
43 - create a nice set of underwear out of gun tape - make sure you shave first - don't want removal to hurt that badly.
42 - a nice brazier for the ladies could be very becoming. Careful of those nipples though - I suggest a nice layer of saran wrap on the sticky side of the tape - unless you're into that sort of thing... ¤nudge¤ - another nice way to deal with the nipple stick problem would be to simply cut holes into the bra where the nipples would be - or make that part of the brazier double sided - and make it fold - so you have nipple latches. Now wouldn't that be grand!?
41 - dred your hair. It may hurt a little upon removal - in which case - you just might want to shave your head - you won't have much hair left anyway
40 - wax your legs! Make sure you let the hair grow for at least 3 months first - you want those suckers nice and long - or you'll miss some strands…
39 - make a nice mask! It'll really give you that grey look. Make sure you cut holes for the eyes and mouth - and make sure there's two little holes poked into the nose so you can breathe! Unless you don't want to breathe - that's cool too - if you like that sort of thing…
38 - patch up a used or broken condom - then you won't have to spend any money if you want to have a good time. It is recycling after all - and we all know how much everyone encourages recycling..
37 - create your own condom - it can't be that hard. Follow the same procedure for creating a pasty - and then wrap the rest of mr. happy in a strip of tape. Make sure you seal the end though - because if you don't - problems may arise!
36 - if the tail pipe of your automobile happens to crack, or break - all you need is some gun tape to fix that. Simply take a few strips of tape - and place it over the crack in the tailpipe - and it should be smooth sailing from there on in…
35 - gun tape can make a very nice restraining device for your glasses if they tend to slip off your nose from time to time. Just take a strip of tape - attach it to one of the arms of your specs - wrap it around your head - and attach the other end of the tape to the other arm of your specs - and voilà. Your glasses will shift no more.
34 - in my experience - gun tape has been a useful tool in removing old nail polish that's all chipped up and unattractive. Simply place a strip of tape over your fingernails - and pull it off - there you have it - nice clean nails - ready to be painted all over again.
33 - fix your shoes. If you trip and fall - and one of your shoes breaks [it's happened - it sucks, trust me] - rather than walking around without shoes - repair them. Do it to both shoes - so it looks more like a fashion statement than something you had to do to remedy a clumsy act.
32 - create your own shoes! If you don't want to go out and look at the new trendy styles of shoes they have in all those lame shoe stores - make your own! Make sure you use lots of layers - and waterproof them properly - or you could wind up with soaking feet. That's never good.
31 - ladies - if you take a small piece of gun tape - and place it onto your nose - wait a few minutes - and pull it off rapidly - you can remove those unsightly blackheads. Make sure you wash your face first - or it won't work. If you have a nose ring - cut a small hole so you don't snag the ring and hurt yourself!!
30 - if some of your computer hardware won't fit right into its slot - simply force it in - and take some gun tape to hold it there. Simply place it along the seam of where the piece of hardware goes into its slot. That'll teach it. It worked with my soundcard - shame my mp3s won't play though - I can't test out how the soundcard works - I wonder what the hell's causing that to happen… ¤thinks¤…
29 - do you have a tattoo you'd like to hide from the family? Or the boss at work? Or perhaps you got this tattoo on a drunken whim one night when you were in college. Damned if I know. If you take a small square of gun tape - you can easily cover it! Just stick the tape overtop - and no one's the wiser - oh - except that damn grey square on your arm - or back - or wherever the location may be.
28 - if you have an unsightly scar on your face - use the same method as you would for covering a tattoo. I find it quite effective. It also works for nasty moles, pimples, and cuts! If you're going to do this on a cut though, make sure you clean it very well and let it dry before applying the tape. If you don’t clean it - you could get infected. If you don't let it dry - the tape may not stick. A small amount of bleeding upon removal of the tape is normal. Do not fret.
27 - did you break some of your mom's fine china and are afraid she'll find out about it? Solution? Gun tape. All you need to do is put a strip of it over the crack - and a few more strips across that strip - and no one will be able to tell the difference!
26 - create your own dishes! They're cheap, and as an added bonus - there's no cleanup! However, make sure you don't put them in the dishwasher. That isn't a good plan. Don't do it - trust me. I've made that mistake. It cost me a dishwasher… tape everywhere… ¤bites her lip¤ - oh god - the stickiness!!! ¤rolls into a foetal position and rocks back and forth¤ - it's only money - I'll just be in debt for the rest of my life - it's okay… no big deal… where's my gun again??
25 - tape can be useful when you have long hair that hangs in your face. Ever notice how annoying that is? Yeah. Take some tape - and hold your hair back - take a strip of tape and wrap it around your hair - like a hair tie. I guarantee - that hair won't ever give you problems again.
24 - if one of your CDs breaks - take some tape and stick it back together. The CD will still work. I guarantee it. I tried it - but my damn CD player is a piece of shit and it won't play it. I don't understand why…
23 - make a guitar string. You know how annoying that is when you're playing a song - and one of your strings breaks - make a new one by folding a piece of gun tape in half - then thread it through like a normal string. Make sure you tune it right - or it'll sound bad. I can't seem to get the tuning right.. I'm not sure why.. maybe I just have a bad ear..? yeah - that's it.
22 - who needs a toothbrush when you have a nice roll of gun tape? All you need to do is take a piece - stick it to your teeth - and rip it off. All that nasty stuff will come off with the tape! Make sure you blow-dry your teeth first. The tape won't stick if your mouth is all wet and gross. ^_^
21 - cover your car steering wheel. If your steering wheel gets all dirty and icky from driving while eating or drinking a DP or something - cover it in gun tape - it saves you the time and effort of cleaning it off. In addition, as an added bonus - every time you ad a layer - the wheel gets thicker. More to hang onto!! I'm not seeing a downside here..
20 - tired of leaving fingerprints everywhere..? Take pieces of gun tape and wrap them around your fingers. That way - no one will catch you in that mass murder you're planning… err - I mean - that one you're not planning cause you're not planning anything… ¤looks around all dodgy like¤
19 - I personally hate being woken up at 6 30 in the spring time because the sun comes up early. I find the best thing to do - is to tape up your windows. That way - you never have to touch any drapes or anything to block the light. The only thing is - if you have plants in your room by the window - move them. Mine died for some reason. I think it's allergic to gnu tape fumes or something…
18 - do you hate to swallow pills..? Coat them in gun tape! That way - they won't taste so bitter and nasty. Make sure you drink a lot of tea afterwards though - or you could feel a tad sick from those pills.. ^_^
17 - men - do you have someone you'd like to marry? But you don't have enough money to buy her a ring? Solution - gun tape. Take a piece of gun tape - fold it in half - sticky sides together - and slip it onto her finger. She'll be ecstatic! Nothing beats a gun tape ring for a marriage proposal.
16 - have you been in an accident in your car lately? Can you not afford a tow truck? Well - as long as you have gun tape - you don't need a damn tow truck. Just attach a piece of tape to the bumper of the car - make sure you fasten it underneath so that it hangs on better - and make the strip long so you won't need to put so much force into it. Grab the piece of tape - and start walking. If you need to change the tape - just repeat the instructions! It's easy! Although - expect to get funny looks. I sure did.
15 - women with wrinkly skin have tried using oil of olay creams and other "age defying" systems to get rid of those wrinkles. Fools. All of them. All you need to fix that is to make a gun tape ring around your face. Right on your hairline - and under your chin. Stick the tape on your skin, and pull. The wrinkles will be gone!! But - you have to choose the mood you're in before you do this - because your face will stick in the position it's in when you tape it down. Happy is usually the best emotion to pick - you'll be perma-grinning.
14 - picture-hanging hardware can be the biggest pain in the ass. Take some gnu tape - and stick it to the frame, and then tape it to the wall. It looks stylish. Make sure you're careful when you take the tape off though. It's best to have a can of paint handy. Preferably the same color as the wall. You'll need to touch it up a bit.
13 - ever wanted to redecorate your home? Here's an idea.. create a nice little chandelier - just put a strip of tape on the ceiling - and work from it. You'd make one hell of a statement when the neighbors come over for tea and cupcakes, won't you?
12 - do you get annoyed when the sheets on your bed come off during the night? Take some tape and tape those annoying corners down. They'll never move again.
11 - if you break an arm and you don't have medical insurance - just push the bone back together - and tape it in place. Make sure you make a sling too - don't want that arm to move too much - or it'll heal with an extra joint! Oh no!
10 - if you can't afford to buy some nice fake flowers for your home - and you don't want to deal with the hassle of growing real ones - plant gun tape flowers. Create them by using an x-acto knife, and cutting out the petals and such. It could look interesting if you give it a shot. Shame they don't grow. Maybe if someone tries some genetic engineering..
09 - do you have a pet? Do they constantly shit on your rugs? I can solve that. Take some tape and stick it over top. No one will tell. Make sure you clean the mess up first and cover the stain. I don’t want to be held responsible for any unwanted lumps in the rug…
08 - mowing the lawn can be a pain in the ass, can't it? Well - just tape it down and rip the tape up. It's like waxing your legs with tape - but you're waxing the lawn. Much more fun. Much fun would be had by all. You might want to replant after that though - some low-density patches might occur.
07 - I wear glasses, and I get annoyed when the sun shines in my eyes. If you take tape - and cut it to the shape of your lenses - you can have instant sunglasses. I suggest you don’t drive or operate anything that involves your eyes while you have the tape over your glasses though. It could pose a problem.
06 - when you blow your nose - the tissue can make your nose all raw and uncomfortable. If you make a tissue out of gun tape - that doesn't happen. The tape is smooth and doesn't make your nose dry. Just - make sure you blow your nose with the smooth side - and not the sticky side - don't hurt yourself and then say I gave you the idea.
05 - you know how it is - you go to roll a joint - and you realise - wait - I have no zig zag paper! What will I ever do! If you take a piece of tape [yes - a piece of tape] - and you put your weed into it - then you roll it - it works just as well - if not better - than zig zag paper. See - the key is - to put the weed on the sticky side. Then you roll it and the stickiness sticks the joint together - no licking required! But - be careful of that nasty smell and taste you get from it.. The high was never as good… ¤thinks¤ - maybe the tape had something to do with it…
04 - is your ass a tad saggy? Take some tape and use it as a push-up bra for your ass! Your backside will look a lot perkier! It will also hide those unsightly chunks that you may or may not admit to having…
03 - need a portfolio? Make one out of tape! That one's self-explanatory
02 - gun tape works well to pull back those sickening love handles that you may or may not admit to having… god knows sucking in your gut won't help - so use tape. It fixes the problem quite well.
01 - is your pet shedding too much? Here's the deal. Take some gun tape - and run it over the surface of the animal's fur. It'll pick up the extra fur - and you don't even have to brush its coat!!! Best of all - the animal won't hate you forever either. You won't have to shave it - you won't have to do anything. All you do need to do is catch it and tie it down so you can do this. Hey!! You can use gun tape for THAT too!!!! Wow - I'm GOOD!
©® VTM '02
<<Back